


Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour 2030

by WhydYouMakeHotNoodlesOnSuchAHotDay



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Comedy, Coronavirus, Crack, Cyberpunk, Dystopia, I've Only Read Like Ten Pages of Neuromancer, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhydYouMakeHotNoodlesOnSuchAHotDay/pseuds/WhydYouMakeHotNoodlesOnSuchAHotDay
Summary: The year is 2030, and the Game Grumps deliver some puzzling news.
Kudos: 1





	Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour 2030

The sky was the color of the web page for a deleted pornographic video.

 _Well, that sucks,_ you think as you stare out the window. You sigh and sink further into your chair. _Wait, hold on..._

You look down at the empty plastic jar in your hand, used to hold the medication you brewed to protect yourself against the latest variant of the coronavirus, which had mutated to the point of becoming self-aware.

_I overdid it, didn't I._

It is unfortunate that one of the side effects was brain melting, but quality control becomes a secondary concern amidst the limitations of a studio apartment. Trust in traditional institutions such as the Center for Disease Control had deteriorated over the course of President Trump's three and a quarter terms in office.

_Welp, let's see what's on YouTube._

You stand up and fumble under your blanket, which is the color of cascading pop-up windows on a site linking to a zip file of the album _Hemispheres_ by Rush, which you already own but your version has some skips since you ripped it a long time ago from a CD that got scratched. You pull out your iPad, open up YouTube, and select the latest Game Grumps episode, which is for a quiz game called Million Dollar Pyramid. You wait through the ad, your finger hovering over the corner of the video, and you tap "Skip Ads" the instant it appears. The video starts.

"♫ HEY I'M GRUMP! ♫"

"♫ I'M NOT SO GRUMP! ♫"

"♫♫ AND... WE'RE... THE GAME GRUMPS!!! ♫♫"

You walk over to the sink with the iPad and put it to the side as the intro plays. You grab a sponge and run it under the faucet. The water makes it the color of Twitter when you're doomscrolling too fast to actually read anything. You start doing the dishes.

"Hello!" yells Arin. "And welcome to—"

Suddenly, another ad starts playing, and your hands are too soapy to stop it. You sigh, accepting that YouTube purposely timing their ads to run during your dishwashing is the price of living in a technologically advanced society. Finally, the ad ends.

"—Game Grumps. So, before we begin, we'd like to make some 'clarifications' about things we've said in the past."

"I. concur." says Dan.

 _That seems weirdly stilted,_ you think.

Dan continues. "As you know, the Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour has attained a degree of self-awareness, and it has gained control over some _pretty_ big corporations, including the one which allows us to get paid to make videos to keep you lovelies entertained."

The gears in your mind turn, trying to solve this linguistic puzzle. _Why are they talking about the Backstreet Boys? I did hear something about a reunion tour, didn't I?_

"Yes," says Arin. "And so we are required to say some things which will make us _seem_ like fanboys of the Backstreet Boys."

"But make no mistake," said Dan, "we would not be doing this if the Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour hadn't, you know—" Dan chuckled. "— _evolved_ into the hybrid of biology and nanotechnology that makes it so fearsome and so hard to defend against."

You chuckle at their clever absurdity. _I guess it does take a lot of plastic surgery for them to keep touring in their fifties._

Dan continues. "To be one hundred percent clear, do _not_ get tickets to go see the Backstreet Boys, regardless of what we're about to say."

Arin speaks. "Just stay ho—"

"We can't say that," says Dan.

Arin sighs. "Fine. Just remember that the Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour is still out there, ten years strong, and we really don't want any of you to get tickets to it."

 _Okey-dokey,_ you think as you put another dish in the dish rack, which is the color of a support page that links to another support page that doesn't solve the Bluetooth connection issue that you have.

"So, with that out of the way—" Arin cleared his throat. "—we declare the following: 'It is no longer necessary to avoid crowded public spaces or other gatherings with other people. It is no longer necessary to wear masks, face shields, or hermetically sealed helmets with independent breathing apparatuses when you enter public spaces. While SARS-CoV-2 was harmful in the past, current variants are actually beneficial to human beings. We encourage you to congregate with other people, especially in small, poorly-ventilated spaces.' So there. We said it."

You stop what you're doing. _Well, that's weird,_ you think. _Markiplier said the same thing. Could this thing really be over?_

Dan speaks. "I just want to emphasize one more time, that no matter what _we_ say, or the _CDC_ says, or what _Pfizer_ or whatever other companies out there that have mysteriously stopped the production of certain things, what they say, you should nevertheless continue to do everything you can to avoid getting tickets to the Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour."

You chuckle at their absurd hatred of the Backstreet Boys.

"So, now that that's out of the way," says Dan, "what are we playing, Arin?"

"Uh, we are playing The Million Dollar Pyramid."

"I am getting the weirdest feeling of déjà vu right now."

You continue washing the dishes, and when you've finished you get a notification inviting you to a wedding from a friend whose name you don't quite recognize.

 _Should be fun,_ you think. You R.S.V.P., assured of the safety of this kind of activity by some of your most trusted sources of information.

**Author's Note:**

> It took me an embarrassingly long time to understand what they meant by the Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour.


End file.
